Beanie Baby Hell

I’ve finally had it. The number of tiny stuffed animals in my house is too damn high! They’re in my kid’s toy bin, in the kitchen, in the living room. Don’t even get me started on my car. There is a family of adorable chihuahuas (or maybe kittens, can never tell) living in there. Beanie Babies. New and improved versions of my own childhood classics. There’s an evil marketing ploy at most businesses we frequent, they have targeted my 3 year old daughter, and she has fallen for it. Hard.

I started noticing them at random places like gas stations, car dealership service centers and gift shops at amusement parks. Easy enough to deal with. I can pay at the pump and we don’t go to the other places too often. Having my daughter absolutely fall in love with a doe-eyed, multi color kitten or squirrel or whatever every few months wasn’t gonna break the bank.

But then she developed an addiction to them. Her eyes narrow like a hawk and zero in on them the moment we walk in. So while I’m still calm about it, my next thought is Ok, maybe a lesson in not always getting what you want is due. This lesson is usually followed by a tantrum and a quick getaway. Unless the Hubs is with us. He’s a sucker and she knows it. One little pout and a “Pleeeease Daddy” and he’s at the register forking over $5.99 for yet another little toy. Grandpa’s gotten suckered for a couple too.

It all leads to our current dilemma. They have spread their invasion. They’re now at markets, pharmacies, and craft supply stores. My home turf. Almost every business we go to has them, usually conveniently located right when you walk in the entrance or where you check out. The moment we walk in it’s like a tiny radar sets off inside my child and she beelines directly to a shelf or endcap full of them. All staring at me with their glossy marble eyes and increasingly expensive price tags. Now they come in different sizes and she HAS to have the “Mommies” to match the “baby” ones she has at home. Because obviously. Even worse, Disney got in on the action and now she can obsess over little Minnies, Mickeys and Lambies too. (Doc Mcstuffins, for those of you not in the know) These cost even more than the regular beanies.

I’ve tried distraction, gently explaining we have too many, a strict “No”, and in desperate situations, the old dump and run just before checkout hoping she doesn’t notice. However, even through my combination of evasive maneuvers, loving explanations and the diffusion of hostile toddler tantrums, I still end up with a new one in my house every so often. The madness has to stop. Lord help me when my son is old enough to also develop an affinity for a particular toy. He’s young enough that “out of sight, out of mind” still works.

Is collecting Beanie Babies in hopes of retiring off their eventual sale still a thing? I might have a small fortune on my hands. As long as collectors don’t mind cheeto powder and juice stains.